There are some things in this life that make you smile from a place so deep that you often forget it even exists. You don’t even realize that the place is there until something triggers it and you find yourself with an unsuspecting smile on your face. Lately there have been several moments where I felt LIGHT. I listened or looked at a situation and I got the warm and fuzzies and then all that I could do was smile. These moments normally center around the children. When Olivia is singing at the top of her lungs in the back of the car. When Michael follows with his soft sweet voice. When Landon decides he loves me for the day (he definitely prefers Frank over me!) and he takes my face in both of his hands and kisses me. Every single time I see the kids with Frank. That is when I smile the deepest. Frank, in our lives, is what keeps me going despite the pain.
There has been a lot in my life that could have changed exactly who I have become for the worse. But I have been blessed with two men that gave loved me despite my many flaws. It was not easy for Michael, and it won’t be easy for Frank, but that’s okay. Many times life felt heavy, I have wanted to give up on it all, to feel less inhibited, to feel like I can breathe and smile throughout the day is good. It is so very good. This is not to say that I don’t lose it. I am still there every day. Little moments will send the tears, and then in the next instant a smile. I think, I hope, I am getting better. Do yourself a favor, catch yourself smiling, because when you do you might even laugh.