Dear Michael,

Before I lost you I did not know that it was possible to miss someone so very much.  I missed you when you were gone, but there was always the promise that you would return.  In this life I will never see you again and that is heartbreaking.  I just want to hear you laugh and see you run around the yard playing with our babies for real.  You were such a big kid!  It always filled my heart with joy to hear you giggle.  Yes, you giggled.  It was awesome too.  The kids and I just watched a bunch of videos that I have, mostly with you filming, some I filmed and we can see you.  It is weird to see how small the kids were when you left, and how big they are now.  Then when you came back and Landon was born…bittersweet memories.  We miss you handsome. So very much.  I thought that I was prepared to get through this week, but I am not.

I am going to go to Quantico with Dustin and Nicole and see Justin graduate and then I am going to take the kids to see your brick at the Marine Corps Museum.  I didn’t know what else to do. I need something tangible to show the kids.  Your urn is here with us always, so it is not like I have a gravesite to go to.  So this year the Museum will once again serve as a place to remember you.

I get over confident and I think that I will be okay.  That everything will be just fine, and then I prove myself wrong.  I miss you every single day…and going through the days that were special to you and then the day that my life changed forever all over again is hard.  It is like I am transported back to that day, just with bigger kids. Strange.

I love you so very much…

The Thief with the Sunflower Eyes who stole your heart

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