When I found out I was pregnant with Olivia I was not scared at all. I was 20, but I was not scared because I knew that life with this child I was carrying inside me was going to be amazing. It has been amazing, but it has also been hard, heartbreaking, and a lot of other things that I never imagined when I went to the doctor and saw and heard my first little monkey for the very first time. From the moment Olivia was born, at 6:15 PM on my 21st birthday, it has always been her and I. Through everything I have always had her. When she was born I could never have imagined what her and I would endure together.
This week has been tough, Olivia has been at ballet camp and it has been hard not to be able to hug her each night. To not be able to hug her through her tears, even harder. Recently Olivia learned that she has a half sister…and the months following have been up and down. Twice now she has cried about being left behind. The first time she cried about her biological father and all the scary unknowns, and this week she cried for Mike. These are not the only times that she has cried for or about either, but they both stand out to me because she told me , “Mommy, life is just too hard…”.
As a mother that is heartbreaking to hear. It shouldn’t be this way for my 9 year old child…she has a good life, but it is still at times too hard for her little soul. I think that is what her and I both have to keep remembering, it has been hard and heartbreaking…but there is still hope. It feels too hard…but life is not too hard. The navigation may be difficult, but as a family it is manageable.