Only The Lord knows…

Four years…
Only The Lord knows how I’ve made it this far.

Stand up, don’t lay down.
Keep moving forward, don’t give up.
The children need you so forget your scars,
(Only The Lord knows how I’ve made it this far).

Listen, don’t turn them away.
Dry your tears, don’t cry anymore.
His friends need you so forget your scars,
(Only The Lord knows how I’ve made it this far).

Be strong, remember their pain.
Pick them up, you can handle the weight.
The family needs you so forget your scars,
(Only The Lord knows how I’ve made it this far).

Answer the phone, call them back.
Hold their hand, their struggle is new.
You’re sisters need you so forget your scars,
(Only The Lord knows how I’ve made it this far).

Breakdown, get it out.
Let him hold you, heal your heart.
No one else is around, remember your scars,
(Only The Lord knows how I’ve made it this far).

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you and our life together. I try and not dwell on that day, because it is not a sum of you and I. It is not the end of you and I, it is just the day that our life changed and our chances stopped. I know you are still here with me holding my hand, pushing me, and teaching me through our children. The biggest lesson that I learned as your wife was to love myself, because you loved me already no matter how hard I made it on us both. If I love myself I am better to love everyone else. You showed me the strength that I didn’t even know I had. As much as I’ve wanted to lay down and give up, I won’t, because you showed me what it really means to fight for life. In my weakest moments you seem to show up…in one form or another. Spontaneous “I love you’s…and your the BEST mom ever” from the kids; unexpected phone calls, messages, flowers; people who walk in or out of my life (always at the right time); a beautiful, strong, compassionate man inside and out who does everything he can for each of us; and of course the cardinals…they always even out my day. I love you always and forever…

Mumford and Sons “Below My Feet”

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